As always, so much happened! Here is a summary, and *read on if you want to know the juicy details:
2.I signed my first, full-time job contract*
3.Pia and Harun came to visit (Hab euch beide so verdammt lieb)
4.Mom came to visit (so so so so so good to see you, you’re too far away!)
5.I survived my first week at work and*
6.Immediately caught the flu
7.I had an interview for a field placement (Praktikum/internship) and
3.Pia and Harun came to visit (Hab euch beide so verdammt lieb)
4.Mom came to visit (so so so so so good to see you, you’re too far away!)
5.I survived my first week at work and*
6.Immediately caught the flu
7.I had an interview for a field placement (Praktikum/internship) and
8.was accepted to the position*
9.I fought and made up with Fabi*
10.Had a first therapy session
11.watched If Beal Street Could Talk*
12.started listening to The Casual Vacancy by J. K. Rowlings, as suggested by Pia (and which is surprisingly good!
13.Am now just lying in bed waiting to get better but feel that I have the energy at least to write a little
9.I fought and made up with Fabi*
10.Had a first therapy session
11.watched If Beal Street Could Talk*
12.started listening to The Casual Vacancy by J. K. Rowlings, as suggested by Pia (and which is surprisingly good!
13.Am now just lying in bed waiting to get better but feel that I have the energy at least to write a little
So….
2. Signing my first contract was so exciting! I felt the professionalism that I thought I would find during my internship in Mexico. It felt very honoring to know that someone respects my abilities and qualities enough to pay me a monthly salary. The job that I accepted and signed was, in fact, with the temp-agency that I have told many of you about. Concretely, this means that I will be jumping around from one agency to the next, sometimes on a weekly basis, sometimes on a bi-weekly basis. The agencies will vary from child-care centers to other social institutions (I don’t have details yet because I haven’t seen them yet). I did not expect to be employed so quickly after receiving my SI-number. It was a turn around of 3 days….
5. That being said, I started working at a day-care center! The days were exhausting. I had to leave the house at 6:50, commute for an hour, work from 8:00-4:30, then commute another hour, and felt like going to bed straight when I got home.
The work itself was both challenging and rewarding. It was a so-called “open work” system where the kids were not separated into groups but rather had rooms that they could freely choose to go to. Some examples of rooms: the building room (where I was the entire time), the puppet room, the nature room, the movement room, the eating room for lunch and snacks etc.
This system is very widely debated. It gives the children much freedom, but also removes structure that some children need to grow. There is no longer one or two workers to turn to, but ten. the daily time-table varies. While this can work, it can also be very stressful. I found it intense that there were one-and-a-half year-old toddlers in the same room as six year olds, especially since there was Lego and other toys all over the room. The noise, too was hard to control, and there was no structured way to lead a clean-up except once before relaxation. This meant I spent my days cleaning up after the kids that “forgot” their toys and Lego pieces.
But I also got to tell stories, play magician, serve as a hair model, be a tickle-monster, soothe crying toddlers, mediate fights, and watch the dynamics of friendships change at a minute-pace. Even though the week was exhausting and I am now at home for a week with the flu, I have already learned so much and gained new perspectives and more security in my skills.
8. Starting in the fall, I will be doing both individual and group therapy sessions with youth at the Albany Park Community Center. I am so excited for this opportunity to grow and challenge myself, to see if this is what I want to continue to do in my career, what aspects I like and don’t like, and where I still need to improve. I will also be conducting the therapy in Spanish, which is even more exciting. I’m so proud!!! (And I don’t say that often [enough]).
9. Figuring out the deep-dark-gutty-sometimes-ugly-parts of a relationship is hard. [I just talked to Judy - love you endlessly- and we concurred that it is so scary, terrifying, to be vulnerable with another person, lay your feelings out in front of them, give them the opportunity to break what you hide otherwise. It is also beautiful. But sometimes it is more risk than comfort, and those moments - sometimes long moments - hurt so much.] It is hard to communicate in a way that your partner understands what you want to get across, and hard to listen to what your partner is saying so that you in turn understand. I think we will never understand completely, because after all we have different maps of life, interpret words and feelings based on these maps, but it is so important to try to understand. Try to figure out all the pieces. Be gentle with the vulnerable bits.
I have understood something on a much deeper level now that I am lying in bed sick. It is so much “easier” to care for someone with a broken leg or the flu because the symptoms are easily identifiable, and the remedies are just as clear, they will help, even if it takes a bit of time. If you have never been stuck in an emotional dark hole it is much harder to identify the symptoms, and harder to find a remedy, not as clear if the remedy that you might have cooked up will actually help. But what I have understood for quite a while now is that emotional pain is just as real as physical pain, needs just as much care, just as much time to get better. There is a word in Spanish - apapachar. It means to gently caress and hug with soul. Sometimes it helps to ask just a simple how are you really feeling right now? and then gently caress and hug with soul.
10. Svenja came to visit me! It is such a joy to keep in touch with friends that I have known for so, so long. Even though there were a few ups and downs throughout the weekend (mostly that I got so sick Saturday night, I’m so, so sorry), we had a great time, the weather was perfect we walked 17 km, we went to the Berlin Dungeons and almost lost our heads, we sat in the sun, almost did not get lost…. I can’t wait to visit Jena!
11. Oh, the movies… I watched If Beal Street Could Talk directed by Barry Jenkins with a few (German) friends. I wanted to include a few words about this movie because discussing it afterwards was one of the few times that I have felt foreign, different here in Germany. Not in a bad way, but different for sure.
The movie portrays the relationship between Tish and Fonsi, two Africa American lovers. They face various challenges, specifically the systemic injustice against Blacks in 1970’s New York City. I don’t want to give too much away, so I’ll leave it at that - go watch it if you have not :)
I want to talk about this because the people I was with strongly disliked the movie. I believe they took it as just another stupid romance with lots of stereotypes and little character depth. I believe they were unable to place the movie into an American context, unable to see what it means to tell an African American love story that includes mundane scenes along-side the trauma and injustice. I would like to know what you in the US think of the movie.
It is this double perspective that I have gained, that makes me different, but that ultimately enriches me.
I really want to get well again soon, but in the mean time write me!!!
