Even the smallest steps are progress

It seems to me like time is flying. Since the last time that I sat down to collect my thoughts, I have received a job-offer and am going through the motions of accepting this job (taking care for individuals with disability at a temp-agency. I am finding out that, while order and bureaucracy can be very helpful, it can also be a time-trap. It will take another few days until I can start working due to paperwork that I still have to fill out (health insurance, social security etc.). 

But that is OK. I am keeping myself busy, meeting new people and old friends, getting lost in the city, and taking a break from my normally so busy life. 

Here are some of the highlights of the last few days:

I went climbing with Fabi and a friend for the first time in many, many weeks if not months. I missed my climbing partner Alex so much, but it was also incredible to watch Fabi and his friend climb routes I could not even dream of climbing. It will take me a while to get back into the rhythm of holding my own weight, of not fearing to fall, of building up my muscles again. I was so sore for several days (sending Alex, Clara, and Meghan lots of muscle-healing-energy <3).

I went to grab a beer with an old friend who I had seen last about 8 years ago. We met up at a café/bar near my house and spent a few hours talking. It’s nice to know that some connections don’t really change, even through the years. 

Some time last week I made plans to go to a dance lesson with a friend in the evening. I had no idea where this dance lesson was (ok, I had the address, but had never really been in that area). I started biking, got terribly lost and of course missed my friend who was going to meet up with me. I was able to send her a message, but still couldn’t find her.  I was angry at myself, and adding to the trouble my phone shut off because of the cold. With some trouble I found my way back home without the help of Google Maps. I realized how dependent I am on navigation, and even with navigation have a terrifically hard time finding my way around. Maybe I’m not made for the big city after all? Everything is so far apart and so hard to find…

A few days after my getting-lost-in-Berlin-by-accident-adventure I did go to the dance class with my friend,  this time not at night but at 8 in the morning. Since I wanted to make extra sure that I would be on time and not get lost I got up at 6:30 and met up with her at 7. Biking out in the cold woke me up a bit and helped me fight my not-morning-person self. The class started with a bit of a warm-up and an explanation. The movement improvisation dance meant that there would be some guiding instructions, but no explicit movements to follow. One should try to keep the eyes open to send the energy back into the room, and not look at mirrors (there weren’t any). The six of us stood in a circle and started moving one body part after another, changing the rhythm after a while, following the music, finding what movement feels right, freeing both the body and the mind, sometimes incorporating the catch and release technique that I had learned a few years ago in my modern dance class,  sometimes just being as big in the room as possible, or as small. 

Feeling my body and activating all the muscles felt so good! Something that I had been missing without realizing it. It brought me back to the days that I was taking modern dance at Loyola, remembering how I first started the class - with much trouble to connect to my body and to the movement, incapable to fully open up - and how much progress I made, to walk through a room with confidence taking up my space, yet looking out for those around me connecting the movement with my mind and (sometimes) my breath. I’m excited to go back to the class and reconnect to that part of myself. I felt calm and at peace after. 

I made empanadas with Fabi and thought of my family in Bolivia. I miss them. It had been quite a while since I had last made empanadas, probably with Spanish Club? Drinking some wine, listening to Spanish music, eating the food that makes my heart warm, sitting across from Fabi… 

Eva, who I am living with, very much wants me to make empanadas more often. They turned out well. 

Friday I went to a “Schnibbel-Disko” to prepare for a protest against food-waste on Saturday. The premise of the event was that too much vegetables are thrown away because they do not fit the norm of what the supermarkets want to sell. We peeled and cut 2 Tons of veggies that were then cooked into a soup that was given away to the people at the protest. That way, we saved food that would otherwise have been thrown away, and made a statement. I mean, really. Who cares if the carrot you put into a sauce or soup or cut up for a salad is a bit crooked, as a bit of a different shape? Once you cut it it looks the same. If you can, invest in ways to buy produce that is different from the “pretty, straight, normed products” and buy locally!!

I found this resource, maybe you’re interested. I will be trying out a service where I save food that will otherwise go to waste. 

I visited Pia over the weekend. Even though it was a short visit it was so nice to see her. To be honest I miss having in-depth conversations with my friends, and it was good to just sit in the kitchen, talk, reflect, eat…

we spent some time with her niece, nephew, and sister. I was surprised at how quickly her almost 3 year-old nephew warmed up to me. After all we hadn’t seen each other for quite a while. I read some books to them, played some guitar, cleaned the dishes…it was a relaxing, calm afternoon. 

Pia and I went to a play (Grete Minde after Theodore Fontane) with a friend. The play was very strange, I thought. I had a hard time taking it serious during the performance. Reading a bit more about the historical background, though, I can see that it was more serious than I had thought. 

Today I spend quite some time biking through a park, taking pictures, enjoying that it was finally sunny after so many gray days and went climbing with Fabi again. I made some new friends, and by complete coincidence met the brother of a girl who had spent a year at my project in Bolivia about 2 years after I'd left. The world is so small sometimes.

Stay warm and keep me updated about your life, too!

Berlin, January 10, subway back home // January 11, café in Mitte

The last days in Frankfurt were calm, lots of time spent sleeping, cuddling, and seeing some friends, getting to know Fabi’s old friends, chatting with his family, eating pizza with my mom and Fabi‘s parents, taking more walks in the woods...

Now, back in Berlin, the past few days were filled with productivity and progress:
• I decorated my room so that I already feel at home there
• I bought the few things that were still missing
• I had dinner with my uncle and my cousin
• I wrote another job application
• I called the federal agency for approving foreign degrees
• I now have a German phone number
• I am registered in Berlin and soon will have a new ID (the old one expired years ago)
• I reached out to friends living in the area
• I went to two job interviews
• I biked home from Fabi‘s apartment and loved every second of it, despite the rain
• I wrote my personal statement for scholarships
• Fabi and I cooked dinner

Life is good! Despite the ugly, gray, rainy weather here, I‘m enjoying being back home and (even though I miss all of you SO much) I can‘t say that I‘m missing Chicago at all (ok, maybe the lake. There‘s no lake here, nor an even slightly comparable route for my runs and bike rides).

I know so well that this is part of the non-linear process of defining and redefining home. I remember well how everything was new and shiny in Bolivia before it became mundane daily-life. I know that will be the case here, too. I know that I will begin to hate the rainy mornings, the gray walls of the buildings, I will miss the color and warmth of elsewhere. But that‘s later, for now I‘m enjoying the curious, tingling, exciting feeling of new beginnings and can‘t wait to see where this journey takes me.

Please, please, please reach out if you are reading this!!!! Through comments or messages, it‘s always nice to know that you think of me, too :) sending hugs and lots of love ❤

The Time Between the Years

In German there is a phrase for the few days between Christmas and New Years Eve. It is the time between the years.

This year's time between the years has been quite turbulent: I spent time seeing the friends I hadn't seen back in Chicago, packed and unpacked my things, unpacked and packed the things I would take to Germany, spent lots of time with my family, and then left Chicago unable to sit still even a second because I felt so excited about this next stage of life. 

I arrived safely in Berlin, grinning the whole way there. 

Days before, I had arranged with my landlady (my lovely uncle and aunt's next door neighbor) that I would drop my luggage off at the apartment before I would take a train down to Frankfurt to stay with Fabi and his family. 

It was lovely to see the place where I will be spending the next few months, to start putting my things into place, to chat with my landlady Eva and get to know her a little, start exploring the neighborhood, take a nap. 

Still, I was so excited and happy that finding a calm headspace was hard. Mostly I was also so eager to see Fabi. And Pia!!! Almost 5 months of not seeing each other is almost 5 months too long. 

In the afternoon I made dinner for my uncle, aunt, and cousin. I was happy to see them, too, to catch up about the past half year, to see familiar faces.

Finally on my way to the train station, I made a new friend and out of coincidence met an old friend. How small the world is, after all...

The train ride was terrible. I really just wanted to get to Frankfurt, see Fabi, lie down...

I made it, finally, and seeing Fabi was everything that I had wished for and expected. 

The first day back in Friedrichsdorf, the little town where I had spent my childhood and early adolescence was magical. I was up early and had breakfast with Fabi’s family, chatting and talking about many different things at once. Later in the morning my favorite person came to visit - Pia, my closest, favorite, best friend, even if she hates these bloomy words. It was as if we had never left, and at the same time recognized the immense change that had taken place in the 9 years that had passed since I moved away, for both of us. She came with her partner, a good friend of Fabi’s, which created a closeness that I had not expected. It was as if we all had been together for much more than just a few minutes, there were no awkward pauses, no suspiciousness, no need for exploration or protection that might have been the case had we not all known each other for years. To me it felt like a small family. Much more so than I could have imagined. Pia suggested toward the late afternoon that we have cake and coffee with some old friends that I had not seen in many years, and that she also only sees a few times a year. I was totally for it. Not only did I get t see some people who I had not seen in a while, we also went on a walk through the woods - something that I had missed so very much. Fabi joined us later, and when we went back to his house we went to the sauna to relax a bit before going to bed.

I wasn’t too fit the next day, but i went for a walk with Pia. we had breakfast together at one of the small bakeries and walked through the woods. there is nothing nicer than to have fields and woods in front of your doorstep. I missed it so much. And having your favorite person just a few steps away… we haven’t lived this close for 9 years. 

Later in the evening Pia and Harun joined us for a night of board games, which is another thing that I have missed so much. 

the 31st was a bit of a chaotic day, still not feeling well I wondered how the evening would go. I worked out for a little while and starte watching Sense 8 again. if you have not seen it, this is a shameless plug. It is so worth your time. 

Before heading out to meet Fabi’s friends, we made dinner with Pia and Harun. It was such a mess, but that was a bit to be expected   since it involved Pia and me in the kitchen. We made Piña Colada and it was a disaster while the boys made pasta and sauce. 

It was fun to almost all of the same people that I had met just a year ago and catch up a bit. Mostly though I spent time with Pia, which made the party so much more fun. Since we only arrived a bit before midnight, the time flew by between playing drinking games and dancing and chatting. Seeing all the fireworks was a delight, kissing Fabi happy New Year was amazing, and firing off a firework was exhilarating. Not sure I would do that one again. The night continued, I had too much to drink, and things go as they go. Pia, Haurun, Fabi and I left around 4:30 and made our way home. 

The first of January was quite a lazy day, I was even more sick than before and generally didn’t feel too good, even though I was hardly hung over. I ate breakfast again with Fabi’s relatives, they are visiting form Uruguay, and it was comforting to talk in Spanish for a bit before dozing and watching some TV.

Now I just got back from a walk through the sunny fields with Pia and am sitting on the porch wrapped in my jacket enjoying the warm sun rays. 

I wish you all joy and love and peace in this new year. May you all find the strength that you carry within you. 

Lots of love.